March 26, 2007

• Study links child care to problem behavior

  Condensed from KEVIN FREKING

  The more time that children spent in child care, the more likely their sixth grade teachers were to report problem behavior.  Also, children who got quality child care before entering kindergarten had better vocabulary scores in the fifth grade than did youngsters who received lower quality care.  In the study, child care was defined as care by anyone other than the child's mother who was regularly scheduled for at least 10 hours per week.  The researchers said the enduring effect of child care quality is consistent with other evidence showing that children's early experiences matter to their language development.  "One possible reason why relations between center care and problem behavior may endure is that primary school teachers lack the training as well as the time to address behavior problems, given their primary focus on academics," the researchers said. 

  I found this interesting, as it mirrors some of my wonderings as I observe interaction between Japanese children and their parents, mostly mothers.  I wouldn't really do it, but out of genuine curiousity find myself wanting to take a survey of parents with children who are ill behaved in public.  How many of these kids are attending day care rather than spending time with mom?

  Whether for the sake of socialization or for the sake of a working mommy, many children are placed in day care "hoikuen" or three year kindergarten 'youchien" programs.  Recently it seems that where ever I go my ears are accosted by the tantrumic screams of some child who has not gotten what it wants.  The kids are really working at it, cranking out the obnoxious whining long after the real tears have stopped.  Then there are other kids who are allowed to run all over large stores playing tag and hide and seek, pawing the merchandise and yelling for their mothers to come and find them when they get bored.  I have seen cases where stores have put up signs asking that kids not wear "roller shoes" in the stores.  The parents seem to have no concept that they are responsible for teaching their children to behave properly in an indoor environment.

  Am I just a crabby old thing, or is there a problem here?  Can I dismiss this by saying it is just a cultural difference and that Japanese parents have always been indulgent with their children?  One method of Japanese discipline involves shutting kids "out of the circle" if they misbehave.  This involves actively ignoring them and sometimes even shutting them out of the house.  Fine, but I don't happen to relish listening to my own or someone else's kid who continues to raise a ruckus until it exhausts itself and gives up.  Some kids are pretty persistent, and sometimes the ruckus is rewarded when the parent gives up.  One gem of disciplinary philosopy that I heard a mother utter to her daughter in a store was, "Stop crying or Ronald MacDonald will laugh at you."  I am sure you can imagine how effective that was.

  Having raised two of my own children, I can certainly say that it takes a great deal of mental energy to be sure that they are minding their manners, both inside and outside the home.  It seems that many Japanese parents simply ignore their children when they misbehave.  They even seem unconscious that misbehavior is taking place.  If they do notice, they seem to lack skills for dealing with it and will lead a screaming, jumping brat by the hand without a hint of embarrassment.   Or is it that they don't have the energy to do their job because all of their attention and energy has been spent at the jobs that they have outside the home?

  One custom that I have seen disappear is that of tying a small child to one's back (ombu).  I did this until my kids were two years old or became too heavy, whichever came first, I don't remember.  This not only prevented them from crying to be held (dakko!), it kept them from wandering around stores and molesting the merchandise.  If the kid was ornery, it usually just fell quietly asleep.  Nowadays mothers use strollers or make the child walk, which results in crying babies and whiney toddlers.  I realize that small children cry, but mothers just let it happen and make no attempt to deal with the problems of the child or the those who have to listen to it.  If a dog is barking in public everyone, owner included recognizes it as a nuisance to be dealt with, but all seem content to let a child behave in a worse manner than an animal.  Inu no muda hoe wa ikenai kedo, kodomo no muda naki wa nobanashi.  Useless dog barking is not allowed, but childrens' senseless katzenyammer is.  That sounds better in Japanese.

  Digression - Adults in Japan always used to be very careful to remove a small child's shoes when on sitting the trains to prevent the child's shoes from dirtying the seats.  This is not done so much anymore.  Last rainy weekend I saw a little girl on an excursion with her grandma, and　the grandma did not even notice that the the girl had her wet shoe all over the seat.  The grandma was probably my age and should have known better.  Hey, how come the foreigner who remembers the "good old days" has to tell you people how to behave?  Ah, the times, they are a'changin'...  Am I the crazy one??  And people, turn down your ipods on the train, because I do not feel like listening to the hip hop leaking from everyone's ears.  I would rather put Drano in mine.  - end of severe digression

  If small children are spending extended amounts of time away from home and parents, to whom does the child bond?  Who does the child love and feel secure with when constantly bounced between mommy and day care?  Is the child secure knowing that it is loved when mommy is away all day every day doing her own thing?  (I am not going to enter any women's lib arguments here.  It is just a very practical question.)  Raising a child is so much more than clean diapers and a full stomach.  A healthy toddler will cry if it looses sight of mommy, and it is alarming to so many wee ones who could care less if mommy is in sight or not.  Parents also keep a loose eye on their children, as if they have no imagination of what can happen to an unsupervised baby.  The little child is on its own in the big world.

  In a child - parent relationship, the parent is just as much a learner as the child.  We make discoveries about the world around us, about language, about love, about discipline and human relations together.  Kids and parents learn together about what works and what doesn't.  We learn together because we are a family.  When family time is cut back by competing activities, both child and parent loose out on something precious and irreplaceable.  If a parents deny themselves time with their children, they loose the opportunity of learning to interact with love and discipline. 

  Who teaches these children about love and discipline?  If the parents don't have time or energy, are they expecting it to be done in day care or at school?  The part of the above article laments the fact that teachers must focus on academic subjects and lack the time and training for addressing behavior problems.  I remember that behavior problems in my day were addressed at home.  School was not a place to study behavior.  It was where you behaved or else.

  If I may say so, I also think that sitting in church Sunday mornings as a child taught me many important skills.  There was no such thing as children's church, and I had to sit through the entire service from prelude to benediction, sermon included.  It was boring and we had to be quiet.  The only thing we were allowed to go out for was the bathroom, and even then we were told to take care of that before the service began.  So we learned to sit still and be quiet, no wiggling and no talking.  And no chewing gum because what if everybody did it and the pastor certainly did not want to be preaching to a crowd of cattle masticating its cud.  And no messy emptying of one's nose into a hanky and grossing out the choir - and for heaven's sake, don't open the hanky up to see what you got.

  First I learned to be able to endure sitting still and being quiet.  It became a form of self discipline that I noticed other kids in my class in the public school lacked.  Whenever the teacher left the room, everyone would talk and start walking around and the class was always roundly scolded.  I remember being very upset by this.  Later, I learned to focus in church as I began to develop an understanding of what the pastor was saying.  Hey, there was actually something to learn here!

  As a final digression, Japanese children do not attend church services.  The adults attend, and the kids do as they please outside or somewhere else within the small church building with mild supervision.  It takes discipline to sit through the service without creating a disturbance, and these little ones just don't have it.  I think many of them never make the transition from Sunday School to the morning service and end up churchless, which is sad.

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