October 15, 2007

• As a follow up to yesterday's poetry about little boys I present pictures that remind us why parents are necessary.

   

  Yukinori actually did something like this.  He tried cutting a plug off of a socket with a kitchen knife instead of just pulling it out.  I still have the knife.  There is a dent melted into it.  His sister was the only one lucky enough to see the indoor fireworks show.

  The worst thing he ever did was swallow a toothpick.  He had a straw from MacDonalds and a toothpick that had been implanted in a department store sample of cheese and decided to use it as blow gun ammo.  He inhaled the ammo instead of launching it from the straw and ran into the kitchen clutching his throat.  He then ran to the bathroom and ralphed up red stuff.  OMG, what have you done to yourself, child??  I then remembered that he had just eaten a red popsicle, and the ralphations were more cherry red than blood red.  OK, calm down and throw this kid on the back of the bike and head for the emergency room where we are told that wood does not show up in x-rays and that I should "check" every day to see if the ammo emerges.  Meanwhile summer vacation has drawn to a close and son returns to kindergarten.  Teachers are informed of the situation and go pale when I tell that about the necessary checking.  The color returns to their faces when I tell them that if checking needs to be done that I will personally go to the kindergarten to perform said task.  I think my son must be part termite, because the toothpick came out fairly digested.

  He has also used attempted to use toothpicks as keys to open hotel room doors.  This does not work, and the toothpicks have a tendency to break off at the keyhole, which makes using the actual key a bit difficult.  And please do not try this just before you have a train to catch.

  And how could I forget this?  Sonny sassed me one day, and would not apologize.  He was so unapologetic that he announced that he would sit "seiza" for two hours before he would say he was sorry.  Seiza is formal Japanese sitting on the floor with your legs underneath your body - fairly torturous when done for over fifteen minutes.  Ok, sonny, sez I, let it be as you say.  He sat for about ten minutes and then heard the call of nature.  Hey, he said he was going to sit for two hours, and sit he would.  Nature was getting more insistent.  I reminded him that he himself had decided to perform the two hour feat, and that he had not mentioned bathroom breaks in the contract.  Nature was screeching by now, and I was considerate enough to give him a large towel to continue his self imposed sentence upon.  Contract broken, apologies made, mom wins.

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