I am thinking
I am thinking about how much Jesus suffered. Especially there at the end of his life. Even more so at the spiritual separation from his Father.
I am thinking that his suffering was not in vain though. None of his suffering was wasted or useless. God knew that a savior who could not understand our suffering would not be very comforting to those of us who have been so wounded in this life. We needed a Jesus who could understand how rejected and despised we have been and yet would love us anyway.
I am thinking about that long next day of mourning. The disciples, in hiding, fearing for their own lives from the same mobs who called for the death of Jesus. Doubting everything they had believed in so deeply. A good friend had betrayed their trust and caused the death of their leader. Maybe that’s why they didn’t believe the women when they told them they had seen Jesus. The government was watching them because they thought the disciples might try to steal the body. To what end? The Pharisees even openly accused them of it. How could people think that of them?
I am thinking that the long day of their testing was not in vain though. Jesus did come to them and prove himself to them. He chastised them for their lack of faith, yes, but he forgave them. Then he trusted them to be his messengers of hope to the world. That makes me think he will forgive my doubts, too. That makes me think he might trust me to share this hope that he has given me.
I am thinking of Barabbas. How terrifying it must have been to hear an angry crowd screaming for him by name. To think you were going to be crucified that Friday. Finding out that Jesus had taken your place. That must have felt good. And unreal. I wonder what he did with that unexpected second chance?
I am thinking of the thief on the cross. The one that asked Jesus to remember him. The one who never went to church or communion or the river to be baptized, and yet went to paradise with Christ that day. I am thinking there is hope for those who come to Jesus outside of orthodox religion.
I am thinking of all that is wrong in the world today. The same God Almighty who was aware of all that we would say was wrong on that first Good Friday, good for us because Jesus paid our debt, is aware of all that is wrong today. He is not caught off guard. God is not surprised. He is working out his plans right now.
I am thinking that our job, like the disciples on that hard Saturday, is to keep the faith. To cling to our hope. To trust the Savior who is familiar with our troubles and suffering. To wait for him. To be ready. To have the courage to share the hope that we have because of what we know about Jesus even though there is so much we do not know.
I am thinking of you. I am thinking how much you have suffered. How you have been betrayed by those you trusted. How people have falsely accused you of things for their own ends. Of how lonely and abandoned you have been made to feel. I am thinking that the balance to all of that is that the one and only begotten son of the Holy God laid down his life for you. You must be important. You must matter. You must be worth more than you can begin to imagine. Jesus loved you so much that he went to the cross, went into the tomb. For you. That you might have hope. That you might have a savior who could understand how hard this life has been for you.
I am thinking of you and praying for Jesus to keep his promise to send his Comforter to you. To soothe your soul and to remind you of all that Jesus said.
I am thinking that you are waiting and waiting and waiting. I am thinking that you are not alone. No matter how you feel. We are waiting together through this hard day of mourning.
I am thinking that you are loved with an eternal love.
